Here I go again…

You know those days you just feel all alone?! Even though you are surrounded by people you love..and they love you…

I had one of those days this week. That day when the internal feeling of loneliness that rages deep inside my body, a dark empty space that comes up and tries to take me over. All-consuming and heavy.

When my thoughts are like the lyrics of this song:

Here I go again on my own

Going down the only road I’ve ever known

Like a drifter I was born to walk alone

I feel scared, but somehow okay at the same time because my subconscious knows I will survive, get through it. Yet it hurts, badly. I cry, I whimper and even rock backwards and forwards on the couch…sniffling away and eventually grabbing a tissue.

The desire to get out of this dark place is big, yet the necessity to remain there for a little while is clear to me. I need to feel it, to experience all the feelings that come and eventually float away.

Again, the ‘knowing of needing to sit with it’ is huge, I won’t remain there, but ‘feeling it’ and acknowledging everything that just hurts is like a heavy storm…cleaning me, washing away all that is not needed and leaving me with clarity on many things.

That means I can grow, become stronger, have more direction and learn more about myself each time.

I ain’t wasting no more time in this dark place once I can see the light to get out.

Proud I didn’t let this experience crush me but making it through this dark place that opens up new thought patterns within me and showed me more of the ‘me’ I hadn’t met yet.

For now it is gone, but I am sure the dark place will make a return…and then I will ‘go down the only road I’ve ever known’ again.