My journey, to see what this K-pop fuss was about, led me straight into the BTS rabbit hole. I did not really know at the time that it would take a massive change in family dynamics for me to be able to realise, [in hindsight], the paradigm shifts BTS had on my persona.

June 2017 – my mum had become increasingly caught in the vile clutches of Alzheimer’s. She turned on the love of her life – my dad and her husband of 60 years – and then on me. One of the greatest losses you can endure is the loss of a loved one, while they are alive. They say you lose a loved one twice with any kind of dementia – first to the disease, and then to death. Mum would not have anything to do with me and became incredibly aggressive at the mere mention of my name.

I did not see my mum again until minutes after her death, almost three years later. My heart and my soul were devastated. I had nursed, mainly in aged care, for over 30 years. I had seen the impact this vile disease has on its victims and their families. But nothing can prepare you for when it is you. When it is your parent.

Each day my life outwardly continued, but my inner world was collapsing.

I had little or no time to follow much on social media, to follow any new music. I would log onto YouTube (YT) late in the evening, especially after work, but find myself falling asleep within 10-15 minutes. I kept ‘in touch’ with Bangtan – got to ‘know’ them slowly.

Mum eventually went into care late 2017. She would battle the horrors of Alzheimer’s for the next 33 months before she succumbed to the eternal release. I wrestled with so many emotions during that time and after her passing. It took me several months to come to terms with all that had transpired.

One night, sitting here, quite bereft, I watched some favourite music on YT. ‘Answer – Love Myself live’ came up as a suggestion. I watched it and cried…and cried…and began to heal. I honestly could feel the healing right there and then.

That night I knew I was Army forever. That night my heart started to fill with good healing feelings – it became BORAHAE. The deep grief stayed for a while, and though subsided a great deal, remains, as grief often does. But the anger, the hurt, the feeling of unexplainable loss, began to subside. In that realisation, I was able to begin to forgive myself and to forgive my mum for leaving me twice.

Bangtan, along with my quiet faith and my family, healed my heart. Of this I am unshakably certain.