It’s no surprise my love for music followed me into adulthood. Unfortunately, my enthusiasm wasn’t matched by talent or any real desire to perform, so I had to feed my passion in other ways. Over the years, I’ve had intense love affairs with different artists – most notably Queen and Muse – but something different came along in late 2021.

Actually, let’s back up just a little. In 2020, I was teaching through the madness of COVID lockdowns. My class numbers varied on a daily basis, so I got to know my kids far better than I usually would that year. Two of my 10-year-old girls were absolutely smitten with a group called BTS. At that time, I had more pressing things on my plate than a ‘frivolous’ Korean boyband, so I didn’t even peek into the rabbit hole where seven extraordinary humans were already waving furiously, trying to get my attention.

No. First, I had to go through a destructive burnout that took out both my mental and physical health. It seems this is so often the way with BTS – they find us exactly when we need them. And let me tell you… I needed them!

During my recovery, my son introduced me to the Japanese volleyball anime, Haikyu!! You might be wondering what this has to do with BTS, right? Well… follow me on a little trip. Watching Haikyu!! led to watching TikTok edits. TikTok, in its infinite wisdom, decided I must like all things Asian – because that’s a logical leap – and started showing me snippets of a beautiful young man with the face of an angel, a voice that seemed to come from his boots and a pronounced Aussie accent.

I was intrigued, especially when I realised this Aussie boy was part of a K-pop group – and that he was one of two Aussies in it! So began my deep dive into Stray Kids music and content.

Confused? Still no BTS? Correct. Let’s keep going.

Another part of my recovery saw me reconnect with a Muse fandom friend. Bizarrely, we got talking about K-pop. I excitedly told her about Stray Kids.

She asked if I knew anything about – you guessed it – BTS.

What followed was an exchange of photos, videos, music, MVs, guessing games and healing laughter. She lured me in with the likes of Filter Jimin and Daechwita Yoongi – I didn’t stand a chance.

She sent me a barrage of photos of beautiful men sporting a wild array of hair colours that made identification pretty much impossible at that stage of my journey. Videos of these same men laughing so hard that I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. Clips of games, startlingly brilliant, tightly synchronised choreography, incredible harmonies, fiery rapping – I was already lost, wasn’t I?

As I prepared to re-enter teaching in early 2022, my wonderful friend sent me a playlist link to BTS Softstan, that completely sealed the deal.

While setting up my classroom, I played this unfamiliar music, with lyrics that, for the most part, I couldn’t understand. But the music mesmerised me. The vocals enchanted me. The diversity stounded me.

Telepathy, Airplane pt.2, Go Go, Filter, 00:00 (Zero O’Clock) – what sort of titles were these? You know what comes next, yes?

I needed to see what they looked like – to match names with voices and lyrics and… You know how it goes.

I dug out my neglected Twitter account and dusted it off ready to check out my new obsession. This is where I came face-to-face with ARMY. It was…intimidating.

I felt too old, too new, too uninformed, too late – and far too shy to even consider calling myself ARMY.

The acronym even had a Y for Youth. That definitely wasn’t me.

The same feelings of 2020 crept back in, and I chose invisibility – watching from the sidelines, hesitant to engage for fear of attracting the kind of unpleasant exchanges I was already witnessing.

I consumed content in no particular order, following the whims of YouTube, TikTok and Instagram. I stumbled across V-live and was introduced to the beautiful chaos of the members in real time.

As I continued exploring, certain things consistently deepened my attachment:

• The genuine love and appreciation they expressed for their fans.
• The care and affection they showed each other.
• How physically comfortable they were together – hugging, holding hands, snuggling, leaning into each other.
• Their humour.
• How grounded and humble they all seemed, despite their global fame.

It was wholesome, refreshing and utterly irresistible. It soon became clear to me I’d been looking in the wrong place for a definition of ARMY. The fandom doesn’t get to decide who is ARMY. That privilege belongs solely to seven remarkable young men from South Korea. When they spoke through their lives to their fans – to me – they never qualified their love by age or how long someone had been a fan. They weren’t speaking only to people who had been with them since the very beginning. They spoke to everyone who loved them and their music, no matter when or how we found them. They called me ARMY and, somehow, that was enough.

So, I had accepted my new title. How exciting! Now what?

“Tan, you must get online and watch the BTS Festa dinner. It’s really important.” – June 14, 2022.

Oh. Now, bear in mind, at this point, I didn’t even know what Festa was. But I understood the gravity of the announcement. What I did know, though, was BTS would have to complete compulsory military service sometime soon. Oddly enough, I’d spoken about this with a Korean student I happened to be teaching that year. At no point did I take it as a disbandment announcement. I just figured it was time.

Little did I know we were about to be hit with a glorious relentless Tannie attack which would last through to mid-2025!

Fast forward… After surviving the teaching chaos of 2022, I found myself slipping down the burnout track again with a new, challenging class in 2023. Thank goodness the BTS gents kept the solo albums, content, and lives going while life was south. They have this uncanny knack for being there exactly when we need them most.

By this point, I was becoming more active on Twitter – or rather, X, as it had been unfortunately rebranded. Taehyung delivered the divine Layover in September and set about charming the world with his promotional activities. He shared his desire to feel more deeply and emotionally connected to ARMY through smaller venues and special fan events.

One fine October morning, while in the shower – the ideal setting for deep thinking – I found myself reflecting on how international fans wouldn’t get those lovely opportunities to connect with Tae or the other members due to geography. I started fantasising about what it might be like to have a coffee date with the members, a chance to really get to know each other through meaningful conversation. Knowing it would never be physically possible, the idea of a virtual coffee date came to me. Surely, I wasn’t the only ARMY who would love something like this. So, I floated the idea of a month-long virtual coffee date with BTS, where I would post a daily conversation prompt.

The response to my tentative suggestion was astounding! People were so keen to dive into my fantasy with me. I busied myself generating a month’s worth of prompts, created some very basic graphics, and prepared to launch #CoffeeDateWithBTS.

What began as a whimsical idea born in the steam of a morning shower quickly took shape as a shared space for connection, reflection, and gentle fun – all centred around the members who had brought so much comfort and joy into our lives.

Incredibly, a few generous volunteers offered to help translate the prompts into different languages, making the virtual coffee date more accessible to ARMY around the world. Before too long, we had prompts in English, Dutch, German, Spanish, French, Indonesian and Korean! People engaged with every single prompt, sharing thoughtful reflections and vulnerable stories from their own lives.

This was the ARMY I wanted to be part of – warm, inclusive and radiating positivity.

For the first time since discovering BTS, I didn’t feel like a passive observer on the sidelines. I felt seen. Connected. Part of something genuinely beautiful. I had taken a chance on sharing a little piece of my imagination – and ARMY had met me there with open arms. The project wasn’t just about conversation prompts anymore — it became a celebration of belonging, healing, and mutual care. In giving others space to connect, I had also created space for myself.

What I didn’t anticipate was the love and support from this community when it came to dealing with my burnout. Not only were the Coffee Date ARMYs sympathetic and comforting, they also gave me so much encouragement and support that I was able to make the leap out of teaching. I had no idea how I was going to support myself and my family, make the mortgage payments, or find another job at my age, but I had awesome people offering suggestions and solutions throughout the whole process.

These same people often thanked me for creating such a wonderful community, but I’ve always believed the true magic came from the people who joined in, and I was just fortunate enough to benefit from that.

This swell of positivity came exactly when I needed it most. I may have opened the café doors, but it was ARMY who filled it with warmth, laughter, honesty, and love.

The #CoffeeDateWithBTS community has become a living, breathing thing — shaped not by one person’s vision, but by hundreds of hearts coming together each day. Every comment, every shared memory, every brave truth added depth and beauty. This wasn’t my success. It was ours, and I remain endlessly grateful for the way this little idea blossomed into something far greater than I could have imagined.

#CoffeeDateWithBTS grew into a vibrant community of people who show up with heart and intention.

We’ve expanded beyond the original month of prompts to include monthly challenges and projects, a thriving Discord space filled with laughter and support, and a dedicated team of volunteers who give their time and talent so generously. It’s become a daily source of connection, creativity, and comfort for so many, and watching it grow has been one of the most rewarding parts of my journey as an ARMY.

As time passes and the members return, #CoffeeDateWithBTS may evolve — just as we all do. It might take on new shapes, new names, or fresh directions, but its heart will remain unchanged. At its core, this space was always meant to be a welcoming corner of the fandom where ARMYs could show up as they are, connect deeply, and feel seen. No matter what form it takes in the future, we’ll continue to be here — offering warmth, kindness, and a haven for anyone who needs it.

The BTS members have been hailed as saviours for so many people – and I’m adding my voice to that chorus.

They were the catalyst for healing and life-changing growth. I’ll be forever grateful, and deeply honoured, to share the same period of history as this group of men. I can’t wait to see where they go and how they’ll continue to wield their tremendous power for change and love.

I sincerely hope they stumble across our little hashtag one day, so they get to experience the intense love and respect the community has for them and their music. I hope #CoffeeDateWithBTS fills the need the BTS members sometimes feel to connect more personally with ARMY – even if we never know they visit. Because once you’ve shared your heart over a virtual coffee, you’re never truly a stranger again.