This woman entered my life as a little girl and I became “Obsessed”. From putting on little concerts for my parents in our one-bedroom apartment in New Jersey to listening to her every time something in my life is awry, she soothes my soul.

The one and only Mariah Carey.

Forget the number 1 hits, the accolades, the diva-ness…this woman was and is my life. I don’t have a favourite Mariah song. It is like asking me what my favourite quote is. Our initials might be similar, hers M.C, mine M.A but one thing we have in common is that we are both writers.

Sometimes I get in such a space that I listen to one of her songs and a particular version of that song on repeat for weeks and sometimes months. Recently it has been the 90’s Madison Square Garden concert version of “Make It Happen”.

Other times it has been the song “Outside” off of her ’97 album “Butterfly”. In that song there are three words that are strategically placed together that scream poetry: Uncertainty forever lies. Those three words rule my life. I have never felt included. I have never felt included in elementary when I used to get bullied on a constant basis. I have never felt included in middle school where once again I wasn’t a popular kid. I never felt included in high where there were a few bullies who made my life torture. I never felt I fit in when I started going to university as I always wore this long black wool coat to constantly hide myself. I never felt I fit in at any of the weddings or the gatherings. I never nor do I currently feel included within my own family. Black, or should I say pink sheep raise your hands? I was and still am such an awkward social soul.

In my latest book “Inspired Love” I write, To the souls who always champion my work and make me, temporarily, feel more confident in my abilities….yes still at 32 I am only temporarily confident, but that, non-constant is something we all face. That is life. Isn’t it funny how we all hate the continuous ups and downs of life yet most of us (M.C included but not me) love roller coasters?

Being on a path of my own can be lonely but it is something I have come to come to terms with. I haven’t completely accepted it as we were all made to connect with others and being on my own path feels like the antithesis of it but the more I face, the more I understand that the “taken” path is not for me. There will come a time where I will not always be on the outside.